


Kisses

by becausecolours



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: M/M, Mentions of past abuse, boyfriends making out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-04
Updated: 2016-11-04
Packaged: 2018-08-29 00:32:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8468956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/becausecolours/pseuds/becausecolours
Summary: Really self-indulgent jerejean makeouts





	

jerejean kiss fic

  


1. 

They keep their voices soft, not that they need to. No one else is around to hear them– one of the benefits of dating your roommate, Jean supposed. Jeremy’s giggling is the loudest sound in the room, but not even that is loud enough to carry through the walls and into the room next door. No one else can hear them, no one else can see. This moment belonged only to them, and Jean would have been happy to stay there for the rest of his life.

* * *

Jeremy giggled again and flexed his fingers in Jean’s hair, trying to steady himself against the press of Jean’s lips against his neck. The longer they were together, the more Jean was able to pick out little quirks about Jeremy– like how he had a habit for laughing or giggling when he felt overwhelmed. It’s an encouraging sound, not that Jean needs any more motivation to kiss the beautiful man in bed with him. This is just as good for Jean as it is for Jeremy.

Jean pulls away for a second and looks at Jeremy. Jeremy, for his part, is glowing. For all people joke about Jeremy being Captain Sunshine, they haven’t even seen the half of it. When Jeremy is getting kissed or cuddled, his smile is so warm and bright that Jean is almost surprised he doesn’t get burned by it.

He tries to say something, feels like there’s something so important he has to tell Jeremy. But every time Jean tries to find his words again, his mind steals them just out of reach, as if his brain is angry with him for trying to think when there’s a very warm, very pretty, and very pliant Jeremy Knox laying underneath him. And so he kisses Jeremy again.

He’s a fan of the way Jeremy’s lips stay parted for a few moments between each kiss, like an open invitation for Jean to come back for more. It leaves Jean a little dizzy, and the way Jeremy gasps whenever a kiss or touch takes him by surprise doesn’t do anything to help matters.

He’d hated it at first. The way that Jeremy radiated strength and softness in equal measure. Plenty of the Ravens had been strong; hell, all of them had been. You couldn’t survive at the Nest without finding strength somehow. But that strength had all too often come at the expense of killing anything soft and gentle within yourself, as well as any desire for that kind of gentleness. After so many years convincing himself that softness was something weak and worthless that he wouldn’t want anyway, Jean was surprised at himself every time he found himself reaching out for it. Renee was the first, the first time in so, so long that Jean recognized his want for that kind of gentleness. He resented that feeling the moment he realized it. He’d pulled away from Renee, ignored her texts and calls, ignored the way part of himself was begging to see her again. How could he still be stupid enough to hope for something like that?

Hope had been one of the worst things to happen to Jean at the Nest. Years ago, hope had convinced him that maybe if he cried and plead enough Riko would stop beating him. Hope had made him foolish enough to think that  _“please don’t do this”_ would be enough to save him from whichever teammate Riko had brought into his bedroom that night. Hope was a tease, and Jean couldn’t seem to let go of it.

Jeremy’s softness was worse than Jean had ever experienced before. For his first few months at USC, Jean could hardly stomach the way Jeremy operated. Softness was one thing, but in any other case, he could have convinced himself of how superficial that softness was. It was insincere, and he was sure of it. But every time Jeremy smiled at him, it looked so easy and effortless. It would wear off though, Jean knew it. But months went by and Jeremy was still there, still trying, still talking to Jean even when he got no response back. It was something that Jean _wasn’t worthy of_ , and that...that was his heart’s last line of defense against Jeremy Knox’s kindness. He lashed out violently in those early months. Jean wanted to pull out everything ugly and scary and broken in himself and shove it Jeremy’s face. If he could convince Jeremy that he wasn’t worth the kindness he was being given, maybe it would go away. Maybe he’d be able to stop the way his heart ached and hoped so selfishly for all of that softness to be his. But Jeremy was patient and strong and unafraid in the face of Jean’s anger.

This was what he’d hated most about Jeremy Knox. Jeremy was soft in all of the ways Jean was not, and was convinced he never could be. Jeremy was also strong, stronger than Jean, and somehow able to maintain this strength without giving up his gentleness. Jean had hated it, but not more than he hated himself. He’d spent years building up walls around his heart, and he was convinced that no one could break through them. Jean hadn’t accounted for Jeremy. Jeremy, the man who was patient and spent his time searching along these walls for a door, and upon finding one would knock politely and ask to be let in. Jeremy, the man who would accept Jean’s “no” with grace, regardless of how loud or angry it was, and then wait outside the door until Jean felt safe enough to open it to Jeremy. The less Jean hated Jeremy Knox, the more Jean hated himself for wanting this. 

He wanted Jeremy more than he could remember ever wanting anything before. The soft smiles and strong arms, the laughter and reassurance– Jean wanted for Jeremy despite every fear that opening himself up to this softness meant setting himself up for disappointment and heartbreak. Even when he held all of that magic and brightness in his arms, it was hard to ignore how much it frightened him. Luckily, Jean had found that kissing Jeremy was by far the best way to bury all of those fears for awhile.

Jeremy sounds nearly as wrecked as Jean feels. “Hey, come back,” he whispers. He can see it sometimes, when Jean goes away into his own head. Sometimes, he knows that Jean needs the time to think. Other times, _this time_ , he thinks that maybe Jean would be better off being anywhere but his own mind for awhile. Jeremy strokes his fingers through Jean’s hair and smiles when Jean leans into it. There’s so much trust behind that simple touch, it almost breaks Jeremy’s heart to think about it.

This is the longest Jean has let his hair grow out since leaving the Ravens. For months he'd kept it buzzed short. Short hair meant no one could pull on it to hurt him— with Riko dead though, there weren't many people left who would do such a thing. In fact, aside from getting knocked down at practices, Jean hadn't been hurt like that by anyone since arriving at USC. For awhile he hadn't been touched at all, the Trojans doing everything in their power to avoid it after Jean had gone blank for an entire practice after someone casually clapped a hand on his shoulder. The absence of all touch had been a comfort, and it still was comforting at times now. However, Jean was also learning the comfort in good touches. Fingers carding through his hair, how warm Jeremy felt when Jean slid his hands up his hips to his waist then around to his back- these were all feelings that were doing wonders to convince Jean that touch could be a very good thing. 

Jean lowers himself down to Jeremy again for another kiss, and he’s rewarded with Jeremy letting out the sweetest sigh of relief– as if Jean kissing him had saved his life. It’s odd for Jean to think that he could somehow be good for Jeremy, could provide him any kind of happiness or relief. It’s odd, but it’s good. Being with Jeremy like this– it’s good. It’s so good.

 

 

 (gif via

[frankiensteinn.tumblr.com](http://frankiensteinn.tumblr.com/post/141370776375/i-went-to-my-grandpas-even-being-his-grandson-i)

)


End file.
